You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
