sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
