i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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