You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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