He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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