I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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