butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
