I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
