oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sober January is a disaster.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
