Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
