I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
