I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He did a backflip because drugs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
