Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
