I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
