i permit you to call me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
