He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
