arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
