I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
