Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
