i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
