I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
