I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
