If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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