Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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