So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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