Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He shit in the fireplace
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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