watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
