Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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