What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
