The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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