Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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