The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
