he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
