No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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