you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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