You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
