I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
