why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
