So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
