my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
