i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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