New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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