grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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