bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
