Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
