After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
