Umm I'm too high to move.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
