I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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