have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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