i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
