Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
